Making bread vs. winning bread

I have had my little purple binder of recipes open for over a week now, with the page open to my grandmother's (mother's mother's, etc.) bread recipe. I have wanted to make this bread, but I need about three hours (yeast must rise, bread must sit). To get three hours I would have to have either a) no work, b) no homework, or c) no boyfriend (or a boyfriend who lives a little closer to where I do). And seeing as how "c" is not really an option, as I am quite happy with that situation and know it will soon be resolved, I will have to negotiate work and school. It's most likely school that will be taking the hit, which had gotten me into thinking about my home life vs. career life.

Alright, so I'm not married with ten kids... that doesn't mean I don't like to be a homebody every now and then. For example, I'm a huge proponent of fresh or homemade foods. If I'm going to eat bread, it better be crusty and from a bakery or made with a sack of flour, eggs from the carton, and my own two hands. I know I am a girl (and, in my family, will have been automatically taught to cook anyway), but I have found myself having followed my father's philosophy, which goes a little something like: "I like food, so I learned to cook." To put it another way: "No self-respecting person of a food-enjoying nature will permit him- or herself to thrive on Hungry Man dinners." No sirree, Bob.

But as you age, time begins to be taken and not requested of you like it used to be. Convenience falls prey to necessity. I like food, but I also have school/work, which I need to do (although I like these enough for them to keep me occupied with thoughts of what I'm doing and where I'm going). Then there are those things that I don't like, but I have to do anyway (i.e. laundry). Believe it or not, I don't always enjoy downtime either. Okay, so there's the downtime you plan, as in, "Gee, it's been a while since I've read a book for fun. Why don't I go curl up and do that?" Then there's the downtime that takes you -- the kind you need after a long day that causes you to fall asleep by 9pm. Regardless, all of it is time. There will never be enough hours in the day for the things I want to do and all the things I have to do.

The key to any happy life is balance (although I suppose you could also balance a perfectly horrid life as well). I have to remember that I can't always focus on just homework, or work, or lazing about, cooking, exercise, and what have you. There are things that will always need to be done -- things like paying bills, doing homework -- the steps that are necessary to achieve desired goals above and beyond the immediate (i.e. having a roof over your head, getting a degree). But there are also the things that "need" to be done -- things we tell ourselves we should do, have to do, but it would otherwise not make any difference if we did them or did them to the degree we want to or not. It is here that we must look, because this is where one can start subbing in something different/new/fun to keep the peace within ourselves. Some people have an internal mechanism that takes care of regulating all of this, as well as getting things done that need to be done. I think I have one. It's how I survived high school and college, and it's how I'll survive grad school. But it needs to be wound. We need to keep reminding ourselves of the difference between needs and "needs". I know I have to work on this homework, but do I have to work on it now, or do I have time?

The hamster in the wheel in my head is running, its beady little eyes focused on work, work, work. But even a head hamster will want to do something else after a while. Will that bread recipe be sitting on the counter too much longer? I'm hoping not. Before I start working on my homework, and before I even start dinner, maybe I will proof some yeast.